Godzilla: King of the Monsters

Global Warming?: Monarchs.

Pyramids: Yucatan? No, Yunan.

Chris Elliot: Played by Thomas Middleditch

Sort of a sequel: Better off not being one.

No Ospreys were harmed in the making of this film. (Well, maybe a couple dozen): Product placement?

There's a little boy in the Bermuda Triangle: Zhang Ziyi!

Orca: Apparently escaped from Sea World!

"Battle Stations! Code Red!": Screenwriting!

I'm pretty sure: None of this movie makes sense.

ZZ: "That *****!"

Ejection seat: Popcorn!

Bill Cosby: "They are responding to his call!"

ZZ: "Slaying dragons is a Western concept!"

ZZ: "It's not random!"

ZZ: "Mothra! Queen of Monsters!"

Special effects: Rival 50s claymation!

So long: Fenway! (Personal highlight!)

Perhaps the stupidest movie ever made. I assume this will end the career of every actor involved. And yet...

...and yet, it was MAGNIFICENT! This is exactly how I always imagined the King's Men performed at the Globe: Hamming it to the max for both groundlings and blue bloods. Somewhere around the time that Rodan popped the pimple at Isla Mujeres, this endeavor surpassed the Shakespearean and achieved the RaymondBurrian. If they had shot it in black and white it would have won the Palme d'Or!

Twelve and a half stars! Watch it at home with closed captions.

Confidential to Zhang Ziyi:

You may think this was your darkest hour. But no! Regard it as a great victory! Once I figured out you weren't a lttle boy, you became the high point of the movie! I loved you before this flick, I loved you during this flick, and I promise to buy a ticket to you next film! I promise!

Spoiler:

Trigger Warning: There's no 1960s vintage ham radio equipment in this movie as was promised in the previews. What a bunch of tools.