Last Jedi

Warning: This is only the second Star Wars flick I've seen. I may have had some trouble figuring out who the characters were, but eventually got it all straight.

Opening title crawl: check.

Rebels: check, but alas, no monuments.

Phone pranks: check (the kids love phone pranks).

"Dreadnaughts" & "Bombs Away!": check.

Darth Vader: now played by Adam Driver.

Pescatarian Jedi: Played by Luke Skywalker.

Mark Hamill: now played by Orson Welles in his greatest role.

Washed-up has-been Jedi: played superbly by Mark Hamil.

Young Luke: now a girl named Rey.

Intergender violence: Carrie Fisher.

Rey and Luke: get in a light saber fight in the rain (but not sexy).

Then: Rey goes to the Death Star (I never figured out why).

Then: Rey and Adam Driver and Smeagol get in a light saber fight. I think maybe Rey won.

Then: some other stuff happens.

Then: Rey is on the Millennium Falcon with Chewbacca (I missed the part that explained how).

Filmies: some beautiful match cuts.

Laura Dern: Wild at Heart and looking good with lilac hair.

Down on a planet: it's time for High Noon with Adam Driver, Luke Skywalker (now played by William H. Macy), but not Katy Jurado.

"See ya around, kid": Nooooooooooooo!

Maybe the greatest film ever made, but ok to wait for TV.

May the Force be with you.